We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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