it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
