party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
