We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
