When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
