Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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