my text book just quoted the cookie monster
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
