Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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