woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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