Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
