SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
