I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
