hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
