On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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