I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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