Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
