so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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