I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
