Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
time to smoke my breakfast
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
