dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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