Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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