what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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