mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
