i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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