He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I FOUND THE LEGS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
