my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
