Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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