i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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