2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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