you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
