So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
