Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
