I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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