My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
