Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
