just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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