She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
