Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
