I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
