i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
