I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
