My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dick very happy bro
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
