On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
