Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
