remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
