How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
