im drinking this country out of the recession.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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