I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
