Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
