so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
