You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
