did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
