I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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