When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
