I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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