hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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