we have officially lost it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
