maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
