Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
