If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
