I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
