I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
