I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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