i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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