I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
