Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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