the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
