i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
