Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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