I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
