So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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