So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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